Understanding People's Behaviour - Banging Your Head Against a Wall?

I just came home to find my 13 month old son giggling loudly to himself whilst banging his head against the living room wall. My immediate response was to say, "Son, you're an idiot." and only once I'd managed to distract him from this pain inducing activity did I consider the possible consequences of my words.

Maybe this one time I was right to call him an idiot. Certainly banging your head against a wall is not the action you would expect from a sound mind. However, let's consider I call my son an idiot consistently over the next few developmental years. The likely outcome is.......an idiot.

You see everyone's behaviour is driven by their own self-image, and that self-image is built around the adult influences they receive in their childhood. These influences come not only from parents, but grandparents, uncles, aunts, teachers, sports coaches and pretty much anyone that they have regular contact with.

It is these influences that create our attitudes and ultimately our behaviours. For example; somebody that has always been told that they should stand up for themselves may ultimately become aggressive when placed in a stressful situation. Or somebody that is encouraged to always share and make others happy may develop a need to please people and will display submissive behaviour at times. I experienced this last type of behaviour with an old colleague of mine. Whenever we held a meeting he would wonder why he always walked away with more action points than anyone else!

Think about your own experience. Is there something you believe about yourself, which has been influenced by others? You may find that hard to do, as these beliefs have become a part of you and are shaping your behaviour all the time. However, they are there in all of us in varying forms.

Now, these drivers are not in themselves a problem. We all need drivers in our life, without them we would not achieve anything. It is when these drivers become negative or destructive that issues arise. There may have been times in your own experience where a person’s behaviour has seemed out of control or perhaps it was just that their driver was conflicting with yours.

So what can you do?

One thing you have to accept is that every person’s behaviour makes perfect sense to them at the time. Nobody sets out to make their life difficult and often it is because they feel they have no alternative in the given situation. No matter how bizarre the person’s action seems, it is rarely something they have manufactured.

Now you know that these drivers exist. The best thing you can do is start to identify them in yourself. Realise when you are being driven by an inner desire to react in a certain way and prepare for it. Once you know why you might be acting in a certain way, it becomes a lot easier to adapt and understand the consequences in an effort to minimise their impact.

Next, be prepared to spot behaviour drivers in others. If you can tell that they are being driven by an inner belief, consider how you might be able to have conversations that will provide antidotes. Often we do not consider how we present a message before we do so. Taking a little time to consider how the message is going to be received can really save a lot of time in the long run…otherwise your just banging your head against a wall.

You can find training course materials that help you get the best out of people from our website www.trainerbubble.com.

Ten Rules for a Successful Life

Why are some people more successful than others? Is it just that some people get all the luck and that’s just the way it is? Or is there more to it? Gary Player the famous golfer once said, “The harder I work, the luckier I get” and I think this statement has a lot of truth to it. I believe that success is a mindset and if I’m right, then that means that anyone can achieve it.

If you listen carefully to people you will notice that they become very adept at providing reasons for their ‘bad luck’. It’s the upbringing, the schooling, the boss, the partner and many other reasons including the fact that there are not enough hours in the day (eh?). I’m of the opinion that these limiting beliefs are a way of avoiding the simple truth; some people just don’t want it enough. It’s a lot easier to sit in your lazyboy chair and proclaim to the world that you didn’t get the breaks, than it is to get up and do something about it.

Now I’m not saying that everyone should want to be the best at everything they do, but I do think that those people who decide to live life in the slow lane forego their right to complain about it. If you really care that much then it’s up to you to change things.

So for those people that want to get out of the rut and move on in life, I’ve put together ten rules. If you follow them, I see no reason why success shouldn’t follow.

1. Nobody else is to blame for the way you are. Those things that happen to you (good or bad) simply create choices. You are a product of your own making.

2. The world owes you nothing. If you want the stars, buy your own ladder and climb. Nobody will give you a leg-up.

3. Thinking is not doing. Good luck rarely comes to the inactive. Hard work is a dream-maker.

4. Failure is progress. Every mistake is a step closer to success, as long as you learn from it.

5. Focus on the important things in life. If you spend too long worrying about the small things, that’s all you’ll end up with.

6. Take pride in what you do. There’s no shame in thinking positively about yourself. If you don’t love you, nobody else will.

7. Celebrate success. If it goes right, shout it from the roof-tops. You can learn from good stuff too.

8. Take what works and build on it. If you find success in one area, model it and apply the learning to other areas.

9. Stick with it. There will be moments when it all seems too much like hard work, that’s when you’re getting closer.

10. Share your success with others, there’s enough to go around. Successful people work together and build winning relationships.

There you have it, ten simple steps to achieving your dreams. So stop looking for reasons not to succeed and start working towards your goals. I’ve never once heard an elderly person complain about the things they did in life, but I’ve heard a few regrets about the things they didn’t.

Visit Trainer Bubble now, where you will find two great training resources on Success; 'Make a Difference to Your Life'and 'Think Your Way to Success'.