Communicating Difficult Messages - What People Want

Suppose you have a difficult subject to get over to your team; e.g. you are a manager and you need to cut hours and that means some job roles will go, this will also increase the workload on the remaining members of the team. You anticipate some resistance to this but you know it is the right thing to do as some of the work is light and there is not enough work to go around.

What people want is to feel that they have been heard and understood. What they don’t want is to sense that you are indifferent or even hostile to their feelings.

Suppose you encounter strong resistance from a member of the team during the communication. What you don’t want to do is resist your “opponent” by arguing. This will only help to add scale to the point of view, but by acknowledging from the start that the concerns are valid and showing empathy for the situation you should help to engage them and help them to recognise that their concerns are not being ignored or discounted.

So, much of communicating tough topics is about unwanted change.

There are 5 things that people want when unwanted tough topics are communicated:

• They want to talk about their fears - Let them have their say. People need to express their concerns, they need to react and articulate their feelings. Your role, as leader, is to listen and respect their views even if you think their comments are illogical and unfair.
  
• They want you to acknowledge that their concerns are valid - Never dismiss the feelings of others. Their feelings are very personal to them and by dismissing them an immediate barrier will be formed which it is very difficult to break down.
  
• They want a role in deciding the aftermath - Allow people to work out for themselves how to adapt to the situation and allow them to have input where possible.
  
• They want to hold on to the familiar - Keep as much of the familiar as possible. People will naturally want to hang on to what they know.
  
• They want a good reason for their sacrifice - Explain the decisions be they yours or the business. It helps if they can see something good from the decision so emphasise the benefits as much as possible.

This article is adapted from the trainers notes of the Trainer Bubble training material, 'Communicating Difficult Messages', which is available from http://www.trainerbubble.com/

The Manager as Coach

In my role as consultant, I am often asked whether all good managers are effective coaches and if so, does this lead to the opposite being true.

To answer these questions with any great authority, it is important to define what is required of a manager when performing the role of coach. In order to do this, it is best to examine all management activity of which there are three key areas: Managing, Leading and Coaching.

These three activities are complimentary and are required to help a good manager achieve their business objectives, by enabling a team to perform at their best. You could refer to these skills as the legs of a stool on which a good manager sits.

When leading; the manager creates and shares a vision of the future with their team and ensures that their activities are consistent with bringing about that change.

When managing; they deliver results to the organisation by controlling the work of the team and agreeing and monitoring such things as budgets, timescales and quality levels.

When coaching; they support team members in their learning, to enable them to develop the skills, knowledge and attitude necessary to successfully deliver their job responsibilities and goals.

It is important to note that these three elements overlap because some of the processes and skills that are used in one area are also used in another. There may be times when the manager needs to use coaching skills to help their team understand and take ownership of quality levels or times when management of budgets requires strong leadership and vision.

Problems arise when the manager is not clear about which approach is appropriate in a particular situation. For example, if a coaching approach is used when deadlines are tight or a crisis has arisen, precious time may be lost. If a management approach is used when a team member has made a mistake, the learning opportunity will be missed and the mistake may be repeated.

All this boils down to the simple fact that coaching is incredibly important to a manager’s role and to be truly effective, they should acquire this valuable skill. However, if they neglect the requirements of management and leadership, they will ultimately fail.

So, to answer the original questions; Are all good managers effective coaches? I suspect so. Does that make all effective coaches good managers? Not unless you can sit on a one legged stool!

This Article is adapted from our training course 'Coaching at Work', which is available from our website at Trainer Bubble.

We also provide business consultancy in areas such as leadership, coaching and effective business development. You can discover more about the wealth of services offered by Trainer Bubble at our website Trainer Bubble Services

Effective Coaching - A Question of Questioning?

Questioning is the critical component of all coaching, it is the principle that coaching is based upon and all good coaches realise that the key to unlocking an individuals potential is through a good use of questions.

In its simplest form coaching could exist on the following three questions:

What worked well?

What didn’t work so well?

What will you do differently next time?

In any given developmental scenario, these questions can be used as a fail-safe approach to questioning. The output responses are what will drive an individual on to better performance.

This process is extremely simple and will work in most impromptu coaching scenarios. We have a tendency to overcomplicate processes in business and this for me really demonstrates that often the simplest methods are those that work best. Of course there are times when your coaching will need to be more specific and focused on the individuals needs.

When coaching to develop people it is usually best to avoid starting a question with ‘why?’ The reason for this is that by using ‘why’ we are establishing something as fact. For instance; when I ask a question like, ‘Why do you think you are not good at selling?’ we are subconsciously telling that person that the idea of them not being able to sell is already established. This of course, will undermine their confidence in this area and will ensure that our work to help them meet an objective to start selling is going to be made all the harder.

An example of what you could say instead of ‘Why do you think you are not good at selling?’ might be, ‘What is it about selling that you find difficult?’ This could then easily be followed up by a positive question of, ‘When have you been successful at selling?’ This is positive re-enforcement and will help the coachee establish the positive elements of their experience.

You may feel that this approach is not as direct. However, you should consider what it is you are trying to achieve. If you want to let someone know that they are no good at something, sure, go for the direct approach, but if you want to develop them, use effective questions.

By using questions and encouraging the individual to come up with their own answers, we are instilling a strong sense of ownership. If we as coach provide the answers, then the coachee has no reason to take action as they might not see the value. If a coachee does not complete an action they set themselves then the responsibility for failure is theirs.

Of course, the flipside of this is that success for the coachee is so much sweeter when they realise that the positive result is down to them.

This is an excerpt from the 'Coaching at Work' training materials from Trainer Bubble. You can view the complete course materials at our website - Trainer Bubble.

Developing Well-Formed Outcomes with NLP

An outcome is a goal that you develop in such a way that conforms to your subconscious mind. A goal is usually quite general, whereas an outcome is specific to the individual and provides a very clear understanding of what to do. The structure of an outcome should activate our personal resources in such a way that it becomes actionable.

Going through the six questions creates a detailed internal representation in your mind - an important step in creating a belief in your objective. It may not be necessary to go through all of the questions for every objective. Use your discretion and apply the questions that are appropriate at the time.

1) State you outcome positively

You need to be very clear about what it is that you want so that you can remain focused. You should be precise about what you want as ambiguous definitions will not provide you with the direction you need. If you say, ‘I want to be happier’, then a good joke might suffice! However, if you were to say, ‘I want to lose 2 stone’, the intention is clear.

You should also avoid negative statements as your brain cannot process them. If you say, ‘I don’t want to work here anymore’, all your subconscious can here is, ‘work here’. If you start to think, ‘I don’t want…’ consider what you do want instead and write that as your outcome.

A useful technique when coaching is to ask the coachee what the present situation is and follow this up with what the desired future outcome is.

Where are you now? Where do you want to be?

2) State your outcome in sensory terms

The term representational system refers to how we use our five senses of smelling, tasting, hearing, seeing and feeling to represent or experience events. Everyone has a preferred representational system; some are more visual others are more feelings based. Consider what you will see, hear, feel and so on.

As a coach you should quickly establish the preferred representational system of the coachee and adapt your language to suit.

3) Evidence Procedure

Evidence procedure is another way of asking ‘How will you know that you have achieved your goal?’ The following questions should help you to understand this.

How will I know that I have achieved my outcome? What will I be doing once I have achieved it? What will I see, hear, feel etc. when I achieve it?

4) Is it ecological?

This stage is to ensure that the outcome fits in with all areas of your life. You should consider how it will affect your career, family, health etc. What will be gained? What will be lost?

5) Is it self initiated and are you in control of it?

It may be that someone else wants you to change, but it’s really not something that you want. Of course the likelihood of you achieving your outcome in this case is lessened and so you should ensure that the outcome is driven from within.

You may also find that you achieving your outcome is not solely in your control, this could make it difficult for you to achieve your outcome. Try the following questions to help at this stage.

Who is this outcome created for? Is the outcome solely down to me to achieve?

6) Is the context clearly defined?

The context is the way your outcome will happen. When, where how and with who do I want this? Asking these questions will help you define steps that need to be taken to achieve your outcome.

7) What resources are needed?

What people, knowledge, skills, attributes do you need to help you reach your outcome? Some questions to consider…

What resources do I currently have? What resources do I need to acquire? Have I achieved anything like this before? What can I learn from that? What if I act as if I already had the resources I need?

Using this process will ensure you achieve effective results each time.

This is an excerpt from the training course 'Coaching with NLP', which you can purchase and download from our website at Trainer Bubble.

Trainer Bubble Sponsors Develop the Developer Survey 2007

Trainer Bubble are proud sponsors of the Develop the Developer 2007 survey.

The Survey goes live on 21st May.

The project is the largest independent survey of people developers, trainers and managers.

MANAGERS, TRAINERS, DEVELOPERS, COACHES, TEAM LEADERS

The focus for the new research project looks at the current and required skills for people that develop others. - to develop the developer.

To participate in the survey click here

To find out more about the survey and the history of the project click here

Background

A lot of research as gone into looking at the skills people need to fulfil occupational roles. Little has been done to explore the skills required for people who develop others but are not in the role of teacher or trainer. Even the role of trainer and coach has changed dramatically.

In 1991 AMED were involved in carrying out such research for the government. Now over 15 years on we will be running a similar survey and need your help.

If you consider yourself to be a people developer we would like you to complete the survey.

Developing the developers is a project with an aim of researching the current and future needs of people developers. As the business world progresses so does the role of people developers. At one time this was the remit of the HR or training team. Now with an increasing pace within the world of business, most of us have some responsibility for the development of others. But do we have the necessary skills?

What skills do we need and where can we get them?

This project sets out to answer these questions. So if you manage, mentor, coach, train teach, educate or develop people in any way we want to know how you develop these skills and most importantly how you learn new skills, just when you need them.

What and who are Developers?

Developers are people that help other people to grow. Other titles you may be more familiar with include: Manager, Trainer, Coach, Facilitator, Mentors, Team Leaders etc.

Over recent years more emphasis has been placed on people development than ever before, with the responsibility of learning handed to individuals the eye has been taken of the ball in providing the skills to those involved in support the learning of others. This project seeks to identify what the current responsibilities are and to identify the development and training needs of this audience.

We welcome your involvement in this ambitious project. All you need to do is to take the survey!

The Silent Negotiator - By Wolfgang Halliwell

A few years ago my friend Jane sold her house. She decided not to use an estate agent and advertised in the local press.

Before long a mother and her young daughter came to visit, and it was obvious they were interested in buying. So Jane offered them a cup of coffee and the three of them sat down at the kitchen table.

After exchanging a few pleasantries the visitor explained that she was interested in buying and made an offer of £170,000. This was £10,000 below the asking price and was a little less than Jane was hoping to get. Nevertheless, the offer was not unreasonable so Jane spent a moment or two thinking before responding.

Whilst she was deciding how to reply she heard her visitor say, ‘Or perhaps I could meet you half way.’

Up to this point Jane had said nothing in response to the offer and yet it had just been increased by £5000. What should she do now?

Once again, Jane suspended her reaction. This gave her valuable thinking time. During this time she pondered how readily her buyer had moved on her initial offer. It occurred to her that this person was very keen to buy. With this thought firmly in mind, Jane was now ready to speak. She explained that she had only just placed the house on the market and was expecting a lot of interest. In view of this she was not ready to reduce her asking price quite yet. The buyer instantly responded by agreeing to pay the full price, and the sale was finalised a few weeks later.

At this point, it is worth mentioning that Jane is a very experienced negotiator who is very aware of just how useful silence can be. On this occasion, she chose not to reply instantly to the first offer. She had two reasons for this.

1. She wanted to take a moment to consider what was being proposed.
2. It was obvious that the buyer was keen to buy and she did not want to frighten her off by responding immediately and negatively.

She was also aware that many people are uncomfortable with silence and will often fill a quiet spell with words. This often results in them modifying their original offer, as happened on this occasion. This was not the effect that Jane was trying to achieve this time, but she was certainly not unhappy that it happened.

All too often negotiators are too quick to respond. The pace of their negotiations get faster and faster and before they know it they have reached a deal they are not really happy with.

We could probably all take a leaf from Jane’s book and slow down a little. Silence at the right time in a negotiation can be a very powerful tool.

Visit Trainer Bubble, where you can download the full training materials for 'The Art of Negotiation' for just £49.

Achieving Your Goals - Keeping things on track

Apparently when riding the underground people look up at the map and check their progress on average every 40 seconds. Most of these people know exactly where they are going and when they will get there, so why do they do it? I suspect the answer has a lot to do with the need to track advancement and ensure that they are indeed reaching their destination, which is a bit strange considering they are on a rail and the likelihood of them not getting there is pretty much zero.

Now let’s translate this to our own goals, whether they are in life, work, sport or whatever, we are consistently told how important they are and I am sure that most people set them in one way or another. However, the question is this…

‘How often do you track your progress and ensure that you are indeed reaching your destination?’

Individuals, businesses and even parents have become great at developing goals and targets, whilst not only ensuring they are smart, but also placing them in a gorgeous laminated folder and filing them under ‘G’. The same can also often be said for business strategies. People seem to enjoy setting them (or more likely feel they have to), but when it comes to implementation something falls down.

Let’s go back to that underground journey. Imagine you realise that you’re on the wrong train and are not going to make your destination. What do you do? Well of course, you would get off and find the next available train that gets you to your stop. Maybe you would need to adapt your journey a bit and perhaps even get more than one train, but it’s far better than staying on the original train and ending up somewhere you don't want to be.

Seems obvious really, doesn’t it? Yet, in business and in life we continually fail to do this very thing. It’s as if we set our goals and then forget we ever did them. Only once we’ve reached our destination (the wrong one) do we turn around and look for someone to blame.

You see it couldn’t be your fault; you set the goal, so the hard part was done, surely? Well no, just as the driver is not to blame for the fact you are on the wrong track, your team, your friends, your enemies are not to blame for your failure to achieve your goal. If you didn’t check your progress, it’s your fault you end up in the wrong place.

Visit Trainer Bubble, where you can download complete course materials on Commerciality, which focuses on developing business goals. At just £53 you can't afford not to!

Team focus - How to re-set the sights.

I was at a training event recently and during the opening 'set the scene' intro the senior director in the company asked the group to list all the things that were stopping them providing a good service to their customers.

The team took great pleasure in listing all the concerns: Morale, time, work pressures, customer issues, the products etc etc.

The director gleefully added each and every comment to the flipchart and when no more issues were given he looked up and said.."I have only one problem with this list......." He let the question hang in the air for a few seconds and when the team's started to look around non-plussed, he said, "You're not on it!"

It may not have been what they wanted to hear, but Wow, did it have an effect.

Identifying a team members complacency is often the key to re-generating a workforce, it's a common problem and one that can have disastrous effects. In my experience, there tends to be two main reasons behind it.

1. The team member has been doing extremely well and has taken their eye off the ball.

2. The team member is not doing as well as his counterparts and so feel de-motivated and unable to achieve.

In both situations the key is to encourage the team member to 'buy-in' to the business once again. They need to appreciate the consequences of their action, or in-action, and learn to change.

So how do you do it?

The best approach is to identify the team member's drivers, that is, what it is that makes them want to succeed. For some, it will be the desire to get away from how they currently feel, for others, it will be the hope of reaching a better future state. Once you know what approach your particular team member prefers, you can encourage them to work towards, or away from it.

Of course it's not always easy to identify a person's drivers without asking them. So that's exactly what I suggest you do! You don't have to be so upfront with the question, using coaching as a method of understanding is a great way to achieve this.

I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that through a good use of questioning and an even better use of listening you will be able to not only identify your team's drivers, but also help them establish a need to change.

Why not re-focus your management team with our great one day training materials pack on 'Leading Effective Teams', or help develop your manager's coaching skills with 'Coaching Skills for Managers'. At just £53 each, they provide a perfect solution to your management team's development.